Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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