well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
