i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
