i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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