the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
