I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i dont even know how to be here
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
