Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
