she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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