Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
