you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
there is glitter all over my balls
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