Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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