Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
