How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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