you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I want a musical about memes.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
