he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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