im about as happy as oj after his trial
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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