ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
