Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
