she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
