Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
