So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
me + whiskey = a bad person
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
