I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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