You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
