Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
