I just pynch a tree in the face
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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