Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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