k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
