Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
