i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
