Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
