It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
