Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
