Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
try to milk me bitch
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