have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I think i got beer on your cat.
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