he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
