i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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