The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
