My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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