we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
