Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
