if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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