my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My dick has a subreddit
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
