I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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