when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I am spending my child support on dildos
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
