I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Randomize
