i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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