So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Green mimosas i think yes
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
