how can u be prego again
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
