But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
