Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
