His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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