I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
