did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
