dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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