I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
