dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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