Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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