My first STD was from a foam party
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
