i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
