I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
