I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
