Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he thought i was a dude.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
