Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
