There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
