the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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