Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
