hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
